Home (Fireworks)

I love traditions...especially ones that are close to my heart. When I was young, we started going over to my aunts parent's house to watch Fireworks. Since then, things have changed and people have left us. But, still the same we go every year with great food, friends, and fireworks. Happy 24th :)

Song: Home (edward sharpe and the magnetic zeros) No copyright intended. 

.The Sting of Rejection.

Some things in life hurt. Like the cut of a knife to the skin of a human, or a burn as a flame touches flesh. But, there is one pain that can hurt far more than any physical pain, and that is the sting of rejection. 

I’ve recently been subjected to such a pain, and I can tell you….it doesn’t feel good. I remember the feeling of realizing that something I wanted so badly, was never going to happen. It was like my heart was suddenly pressed upon. I didn’t want to cry, and I didn’t want to show my friends and family that it hurt, so I played it off. But, that night as I walked in my room, I shut the door and tears filled my eyes. Some things in life hurt...but some hurt more.

I felt angry at God. Why? Why not me? Did I not deserve it? Had I done something wrong? No. The answer was clear, and I was ashamed that I had even asked. But, a thought came to my mind that put everything in perspective for me. What if God has something else in store for me. What if what I was planning for myself actually got in the way of God’s plan? There’s one thing I want more than anything in this world, and what if I almost passed it up because of something I wanted...something that I thought I needed.

Life goes on and we get distracted by the daily struggles in life. I can help but think that maybe sometimes The Sting of Rejection, is God’s way of saying, “I’m closing this door, but make sure to see this other one opening.” So as my heart becomes numb after the sting, I will remember that there is one person who knows best for me, and lucky enough he is the one with all the answers. 

&hearts, Maddie.

.Thank You, Walmart Lady.

It was Monday the 7th of May, and as I started my first day at Intermountain Healthcare, I kept waiting for an "ah ha" moment. You know, that moment when you realize that something you have dreamed of forever is actually coming true. At first I thought it might happen as I walked through the doors for the first time, but no such luck. Then, I thought it might be the moment when I took the picture for my Badge ID....but alas!...Nothing. As the day went on, I kept waiting and waiting...and nothing happened. On my drive home, I was as disappointed as could be. Was this not what I had been dreaming of since I was a teenager? Wasn't this an instrumental part of my plan? WHY WASN'T ANYTHING HAPPENING!?! I couldn't figure it out. For days leading up to these important moments, I was waiting in anticipation for that one pure time, that it all clicked...and yet, it never came.
     On Wednesday, I started my first day on the floor. I trained and trained until my brain couldn't store anymore information. I was running around like a mad woman and making mistakes left and right. " You'll get this," said my trainer. "Just give it some time." Time?! TIME! I had no time! The only time I sat down was to go to the bathroom! I was overwhelmed to say the least. My trainer tried to help me, but I was just so overwhelmed that I couldn't take anymore information. "Tomorrow." she said simply with a reassuring smile on her face....like I was just going to magically understand all of it overnight. As I walked to my car, I felt the ache in my feet and back with each step I took. "Is it worth it?" I thought. I took a sigh of relieve and started my ignition.
       I knew I needed to cheer myself up, so I headed to Walmart to look for some new scrubs. If I was going to fail miserably like the day before, I wanted to do it in style. As I looked at the scrubs, wanting to find them as fast as possible so I could lay down, a lady asked me a question from behind. "Do you work for IHC?" I turned around quickly and wondered how in the world this lady knew where I worked! "Yes?" I said with a puzzled look on my face. "Oh, I just noticed your badge...what hospital do you work at?" With a feeling of embarrassment, I realized I had neglected to take of my badge. As I replied with a simple answer "McKay Dee Hospital," I saw a sadness grow over her face. As the little, old, and gray lady stood there, tears filled her eyes. "My husband lost his battle to cancer 2 months ago while staying at McKay Dee. You all took such good care of him, better care than I ever could. Thank you so much for doing what you do. Don't quit being such sweet people, we may not say thank you often, but we all mean it."
     As she walked away, a rush of clear bliss swept over me. A feeling of gratitude and meaning....an "ah ha" moment. I picked out the scrubs I wanted and quietly walked out to my car. When I got home, I hung up my IHC badge and watched as the words "MADDIE: Patient Care Tech" swung around in the air. In that one moment, that little old Walmart lady not only gave me the "ah ha" moment that I had so wanted.... but she made going back day after day, that much easier.

.The Joys of Being a Sister.

This weekend I had the opportunity to support my brother who is on the Viewmont Tennis Team. This is a family event, and one dear to my heart. I have watched many of these boys grow up, and two of them might as well be my adoptive little brothers. After spending a week down in Centerville with my family at home, we headed to St. George for the tournament.
 This weekend was all about tennis...tennis, and did I mention TENNIS?? From 8:00am to 7:00pm it was watching tennis, sometimes missing meals just so we wouldn't miss our match. Being raised as the oldest of 3 kids, I became a Daddy's girl right from the start. I can't tell you how much my dad has influenced my life. He is my rock. One of my favorite things to do with my dad, is watching sports. Football, Basketball, Tennis, and if it's BYU...it's even better! The moral of the story is...I am a rowdy girl. I scream at the T.V. like a man, and can talk sports like every other guy out there. If you don't know the sport of tennis very well, you probably don't see why this is a problem. In the sport of Tennis, when you are cheering, you are to be very quite and only cheer when your team makes a good shot. There is no yelling, no contesting a call, and absolutely no coaching.
After watching match after match, you recognized the good teams, and the not so good teams. Mitch(brother) and Preston(partner) were defiantly one of the better teams, if not the best. They won game after game, losing only one set. This was very good for a tennis team. As the Finals slowly approached, so did Mitch and Preston's chances of winning the Championship. As they started the match, it was apparent that this would not be an easy task. The team was good, but fundamentally Mitch and Preston were better. Point after point they battled, until it was a super tie-breaker...9-10 for the other team...Match point. As the ball got past the Viewmont team, we realized it was over....and the boys were heartbroken. Mitch and Preston shook hands at the net, and showed true showmanship that any sister would be proud of...but that's not the only thing that amazed me. What amazed me was the dedication that they boys had to their team. Mitch's match was one of the earlier matches, and yet they stayed and supported their entire team through every match that was played. They waited, and waited, cheering every guy on...win or lose
  In the end, Viewmont took 1st overall and won the tournament. I was beyond proud of them all. They deserved nothing less than 1st place...but what I was more proud of, was the way they held themselves throughout the entire tournament. They held their heads up high, and even though they lost, they shook it off and put their teammates first.
   Love you boys! Congrats again!

.Conversation with God.

Me: God can I ask you a question? 

God: Sure 

Me: Promise you won't get mad 

God: I promise 

Me: Why did you let so much stuff happen to me today? ... ... ... ... 

God: What do you mean? 

Me: Well, I woke up late, 

God: Yes 

Me: My car took forever to start, 

God: Okay 

Me: at lunch they made my sandwich wrong & I had to wait,

God:Huummmm... 

Me: On the way home, my phone went DEAD, just as I picked up a call..... 

God: All right 

Me: And on top of it all off, when I got home ~I just want to soak my feet in my new foot massager & relax. BUT it wouldn't work!!! Nothing went right today! Why did you do that?

God: Let me see, the Death Angel was at your bed this morning & I had to send one of the other angels to battle him for your life. I let you sleep through that. 

Me (humbled): OH 

GOD: I didn't let your car start because there was a drunk driver on your route that would have hit you if you were on the road. 

Me (ashamed)......... 

God: The first person who made your sandwich today was sick & I didn't want you to catch what they have, I knew you couldn't afford to miss work. 

Me (embarrassed):Ok 

God: Your phone went dead because the person that was calling was going to give false witness about what you said on that call, I didn't even let you talk to them so you would be covered. 

Me (softly): I see, God 

God: Oh and that foot massager, it had a shortage that was going to throw out all of the power in your house tonight. I didn't think you wanted to be in the dark. 

Me: I'm sorry, God 

God: Don't be sorry, just learn to trust me.....in all things, the good & the bad. 

Me: I will trust you 

God: And don't doubt that my plan for your day is always better than your plan.

Me: I won't, God. And let me just tell you God, thank you for everything today.

God: You're welcome child. It was just another day being your God and I love looking after my children.

.Here's to you, Gar.

I have had the amazing opportunity to have one of my Best Friends out in the Mission Field, serving the Lord. This guy is incredible, and i miss him almost everyday! He was my go-to-guy, literally. Whenever either of us needed to talk, or even just needed some time away from the commotion, we would go drive up by the Bountiful Temple, and just talk for hours.

Last night i really needed one of these talking sessions, so Marissa and I drove up to the Temple, and talked. It made me realize how much i really did miss Garrett, and how grateful i was for such amazing friends in my life. After awhile, we got out of the car and went to take a picture by the temple so that we could send it to Garrett.

As we tried and tried to get a good picture, this CRAZY lady walked up to us and offered to take the picture. I say crazy, because she literally was CRAZY. We didn't know if she was on drugs or what, but it was like you had forced 200 RedBulls down her throat! She was jumping up and down, saying crazy things, and taking 15 different pictures of the ground. All we could do was sit there and laugh. Finally, in movement, she took a pretty decent picture.

I love my life. I really do, and it took me last night to remind me of how blessed i am to have such amazing friends. I know that if i ever needed someone to just talk to, i could call them up at anytime of day, or night. In Garrett's last letter to me, he expressed that he could really use a drive...oh how i wish i could go and pick him up in Florida! But, i can't, so dedicating a drive to him will just have to do. :)

Well, Here's to you, Gar.

Picture taken by the Crazy Lady

                                   

.The Blessed Man.

Today I got to accompany my mother to some of her meetings. My mom is a guardian for older people with disabilities, and loves what she does. My mom is such an amazing example of good will, charity, pure love, and it makes me want to be a better person everyday. 

If any of you know me very well, you know that I have a very large space in my heart for people with disabilities. They have played a big part in my life, having an Aunt with Down Syndrome, and becoming close to many of the 50 clients my mom has brought into our family. I was always the girl in school who stuck up for the “special kids”. It honestly kills me when I see someone making fun of someone with disabilities. I would always get in word fights with kids who chose to poke at these cute kids, and would find myself worked up.

In our house growing up, the word [Retarded] was always known as the ‘R’ Word. As I have grown up, I have grown use to hearing it used in everyday conversations. Sadly, I have started using it too. Not to describe an individual, but a “messed up” situation. I've realized how hurtful that word is, and i challenge us all to find another word to use instead. 

This man is a very old man, but nothing short of a trooper. As I walked into the facility with my mom, the man greeted her with a smile, and was so excited to see us. As we had the meeting with him, he kept interrupting whoever was speaking, and complimented on how beautiful each woman was. At one point, on of the employees expressed that he looked better since a recent illness. He looked at us and said, “Don’t I look much handsomer?!” I cracked a smile and he went on being so happy.

As we went to leave, my mom asked him if there was anything he wanted. Thinking of way I would reply, the man answered simply, “I want a red U of U sweatshirt, that’s all.” As the thought put a smile on his face, tears welt up in my eyes as I realized how blessed I was to know such a sweet spirit as his. 

We all need to realize how simple and beautiful life is, and remember that there are people who see the simplest blessings in life as something huge. I challenge you to look at the little blessings you have, and remember the man I met today, and maybe, just maybe, you’ll see the positives in your life too.

&hearts: Maddie